by D. Garner
A mother realized that she was not as close to her child as she had once thought.
“Kagabi nag-text sa akin ang aking panganay. Nag-open daw sa kanya ang aking pangalawa na may tampo raw siya sa akin. Sabi ko, ‘O, bakit daw? Hindi ko alam yan!’ Sinabi ko rin na close naman kami ng kapatid niya. Ang sagot ng panganay ko, ‘Hindi naman siya open sa ‘yo!’” – JS Sarmen
It is hurtful when we are the last person to learn something about someone we thought we knew very well. Just because we talk to our children all the time, doesn’t mean we understand all of their struggles and offenses.
Growing up I felt like I was not free to speak openly about my questions and struggles. The idea of talking to my parents about certain issues seemed awkward, so, I usually talked to my friends about them instead, because it was easier to express myself to them. Maybe this is why some parents first hear about their children’s problems through the spreading tsismis.
Some of you may nod your heads in agreement when I say that when I was a child I was not really allowed to say anything or express my feelings or reason out my actions. I found it funny that when I was being scolded, my parents would ask, “Why did you do that?”. But when I would start giving my answer, they would think of me as talking back. This experience made me feel like my parents did not care about my opinion or what I felt.
We all want our children to talk to us about what they are experiencing. But when our children start telling us about things they did and those things go against our standards, how do we usually respond? I hope we can avoid the tendency to scold them outright or stop the conversation abruptly. As Christian parents, we are concerned about what our kids believe morally, spiritually and emotionally. But how do we know where they are at in their emotional health and spiritual journey if we, as parents, do not give them an opportunity to speak their minds and talk about difficult things?
When I became a mom, I decided, to give my son a chance to voice out what he was thinking and feeling. There were times when it’s really hard for me to just listen and not interject myself but I did not want to shut my son down. My husband and I always told our son that he could talk to us about anything. I think that statement helped him open up to us about his physical, emotional and spiritual questions he had as he got older into his teen years. I pray we can encourage and motivate our children to be open and as moms we can learn to listen intentionally. Closeness is not just talking about the events of the day or homework. True closeness comes when there is an openness in the relationship to express what we truly think and feel, even when it is painful or hard. Openness is closeness.
(Title credit to: JS Sarmen)
